Leaving Homosexuality

I WAS ASKED BY A BROTHER IN CHRIST, HOW DID YOU COME OUT OF THE GAY LIFE??? THIS IS NOT AN EASY QUESTION TO ANSWER. I SHOULD FIRST TELL YOU HOW I BECAME GAY.

FROM AGE 3 TILL AGE 9, I WAS MOLESTED BY A BABY SITTER. AT THAT AGE, I WAS FORCED TO HAVE ORAL SEX WITH A GROWN MAN. I DEVELOPED FEMININE TRAITS EARLY. THIS WAS MY INTRODUCTION TO SEXUALITY AND TO LIFE.

I HAD NO FATHER, OR ANY OTHER OLDER MALE ROLE MODEL TO TEACH ME HOW TO BE A MAN, SO I GRAVITATED TOWARDS FEMALES IN EARLY CHILDHOOD. BY THE TIME I HIT MY TEENAGE YEARS, THE PATTERN HAD ALREADY BEEN SET, SET SO LONG I BELIEVED I WAS BORN THAT WAY.

IN MY LATER TEEN YEARS, I TRIED TO PLAY THE STRAIT ROLE. I STARTED DATING GIRLS. IT WAS A RELIEF THAT I WAS LUCKY TO ATTRACT AGGRESSIVE GIRLS, BECAUSE I DID NOT HAVE A CLUE AS HOW TO CHASE WOMEN.

I WAS 18, LIVING IN THE COLLEGE DORMS, DISCOVERING SEX. I DATED 2 GIRLS, HAVING SEX WITH ONE ON A REGULAR BASIS WHEN I FOUND, THE ONE!! SHE AND I GOT TOGETHER, MOVED IN TOGETHER AND WERE EVEN THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE. DURING THIS TIME, SHE GOT PREGNANT AND HAD AN ABORTION.

IN THE DORMS, I HAD FOUND THE GAY GROUP AND I PLAYED LIKE I WANTED TO BE COOL, SO I WOULD GO TO GAY BARS AND HANG OUT IN THE GAY PART OF TOWN WITH THEM, ALL THE WHILE WITH HIDDEN DESIRES AND LUSTING TO BE WITH A MAN.

I HAD A FRIEND WHO I HAD WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH AND AT THE TIME, WORKED WITH AND SHE WANTED TO EXPLORE LESBIAN BARS. SHE RECRUITED ME AS HER CONSTANT COMPANION. I WOULD LEAVE MY GIRLFRIEND AT HOME, AND GO OUT WITH THIS FRIEND TO LESBIAN BARS IN WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA.

SOON SHE WAS MEETING GIRLS AND I WAS SNEAKING AND MEETING GUYS. I FOUND OUT ABOUT A MALE GAY BAR NEAR MY HOUSE AND SOON, I WAS GOING TO THE BARS BY MYSELF. I STARTED MEETING MEN AND DISCOVERED A LUST IN ME AND AN OVERPOWERING SEXUAL URGE THAT GOT SATISFIED ONLY WITH A MAN. I WOULD SNEAK OUT AT NIGHT WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND WENT TO SLEEP AND GO TO THE GAY BARS. SOON LATER, I MOVED OUT AND CAME OUT INTO THE GAY LIFE!!! I HAD ARRIVED, OR AT LEAST I THOUGHT I HAD!!!

THIS LIFESTYLE OPENED ME UP TO EVERY KIND OF DEMONIC POSSESSION KNOWN!! I BECAME AN ALCOHOLIC, A DRUG ADDICT, A SEX ADDICT. I LOVED ME, MONEY AND MEN. I WAS A SELF-CENTERED MESS, ALWAYS LOOKING FOR LOVE, ONLY TEMPORARILY FINDING IT, BUT ALWAYS NEVER KEEPING IT. I WAS ALWAYS THE OUTSIDER LOOKING IN, WONDERING WHY I COULD NEVER FIND TRUE LOVE AND HAPPINESS.

I LIVED A HOMOSEXUAL LIFE FOR 18 YEARS. I LIVED IN A GAY COMMUNITY AND ONLY HAD GAY FRIENDS. I WOULD ESTIMATE THAT I PROBABLY HAD SEX WITH OVER 1000 MEN EASY, PROBABLY MORE. IT TOOK ME TO SOME REALLY FUN AND GREAT MOMENT, AND IT ALSO BROUGHT ME TO ME KNEES, WISHING FOR DEATH, ALMOST FINDING IT, QUITE A FEW TIMES. GOD WAS KEEPING ME!!! THIS LIFESTYLE INTRODUCED ME TO SOME OF THE MOST VILE, DISGUSTING PEOPLE WHO CARED ABOUT NOTHING BUT THEMSELVES AND PHYSICAL PLEASURE!!! DRUG ADDICTION AND ALCOHOLISM IS THE NORM IN THIS LIFESTYLE. I ENDED UP IN OVER 20 LIVE IN REHABS, COMPLEATEING MAYBE 5 OR 6. THE LONGEST I STAYED SOBER DURING THIS TIME WAS 6 YEARS OUT OF 17 YEARS.

YOU CAN READ SOME OF WHAT TOOK PLACE DURING THIS TIME IN MY LIFE, IN MY NOTE, MY TRUE LIFE EXPERIENCE WITH SATAN, POSTED IN MY NOTES. https://www.facebook.com/notes/victor-lovesjesus-romero/victor-romero-my-true-experience-with-satan-demons-and-drugs-click-here-to-read/112328365483898

THIS IS HOW JESUS PULLED ME OUT OF THIS LIFE:

ONCE AGAIN, I WAS LOOKING TO GET SOBER AND STAY SOBER. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE THIS TIME WAS THAT I NO LONGER WANTED TO RUN TO ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS OR REHAB. I WANTED TO TRY JESUS. I DECIDED I WANTED TO GET ALL OF THE FILTH OUT OF MY HEAD, SO I DECIDED TO FILL UP WITH JESUS. I USED THE INTERNET FOR NOTHING BUT FILTH AND GAMES, SO NOW, I DECIDED TO USE IT TO FIND OUT WHO THIS JESUS TRULY WAS.

I STARTED OFF LISTENING TO HELL AND HEAVEN TESTIMONIES ON YOUTUBE AND http://spiritlessons.com/

AND OTHER PLACES. I WANTED TO FLUSH MY MIND OUT. WHILE DOING THIS, ONE DAY, I LOOKED AT MY MOTHER IN HER LIVING ROOM AND I SAID TO HER, HOMOSEXUALITY IS AN ABOMINATION UNTO THE LORD. I WAS STARTLED BY WHAT I SAID, BECAUSE I HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANT!!! I HAD NOT READ THIS AND NOBODY HAD TOLD ME THIS. I DID NOT KNOW WHERE THIS CAME FROM.

THIS INSPIRED ME TO FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANT. I DID SEARCHES ON GOOGLE ON, HOMOSEXUALITY AND THE BIBLE AND I LOOKED ON THE INTERNET WHAT THE BIBLE SAID ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY. I HAD NO IDEA. WHEN I FOUND OUT, I WAS SHOCKED!!!

I FOUND OUT THAT I WAS ON MY WAY TO HELL!!! ALL THE MANY TIMES THE LORD HAD SPARED MY LIFE NOW MADE SINCE. HE WAS KEEPING ME OUT OF HELL-FIRE!!!

AT THAT VERY MOMENT, I DECIDED I WAS NO LONGER GOING TO LIVE A GAY LIFESTYLE AND I WANTED TO NOT BE GAY. I HAD NO IDEA HOW I WAS GOING TO PULL THIS ONE OFF!!!

I DECIDED TO SET MY FOCUS ON JESUS!! I WANTED TO LEARN AND KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. I WATCHED SERMON AFTER SERMON, EAGERLY WANTED TO KNOW JESUS. I LOOKED UP THIS GROUP CALLED, EXODUS INTERNATIONAL. IT IS A MINISTRY THAT ALSO HOLDS GROUP MEETING FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO LEAVE THE GAY LIFE. I STARTED ATTENDING MEETINGS REGULARLY AND ALSO ATTENDING THE CHURCH IT WAS HELD AT, WHICH WAS A HISPANIC SPANISH SPEAKING CHURCH.

I SOON STARTED BECOMING DISILLUSIONED WITH THESE MEETINGS. ONLY ME AND ANOTHER GUY SHOWED UP REGULARLY WITH A LESBIAN GIRL AND HER LIVE IN GIRLFRIEND!!! A FEW TIMES I FOUND MYSELF GIVING MY TESTIMONY AND ENDING UP TELLING THE TWO GIRLS IF THEY DIDN’T CHANGE THEIR LIFE, THEY WERE GOING TO BURN IN HELL!!! I FOUND, THIS WAS NOT THE RIGHT FIT FOR ME. I WANTED TO BE IN A PLACE THAT TOLD THE TRUTH, NOT CODDLED THE SINNERS AND SUGAR COATED THE TRUTH.

I ALSO FOUND THAT MANY WHO COME OUT OF THIS LIFESTYLE DO IT BECAUSE THEY WANT TO STAY OUT OF HELL, NOT BECAUSE THEY LOVE JESUS. I WANTED BOTH!!! I ALSO FOUND THAT THESE GUYS WERE NOT DELIVERED, NOR DID THEY THINK THEY COULD BE. THEY WERE CELIBATE MEN, HANGING ON, LIVING SEXLESS AND LOVELESS LIVES. THAT WAS NOT WHAT I WANTED OR WAS LOOKING FOR. THEY TOLD STORIES OF HOW THEY WERE CONTINUOUSLY ALMOST DRAWN BACK. THE IDEA OF LIVING LIKE THIS, SEEMED LIKE HELL TO ME!!!

I CHANGED CHURCHES, STARTED READING MY BIBLE AND STARTED TALKING TO JESUS!!! I WANTED ANSWERS!!! I READ MY BIBLE AND UNDERSTOOD IT AND I STARTED EXPECTING THINGS. SATAN HAD ALREADY PROVEN HIS SUPERNATURAL POWERS TO ME, NOW I EXPECTED MORE AND GREATER FROM GOD!!! I WANTED HEALING; DELIVERANCE AND I WANTED TO BE RESTORED!!!!! HE SAID HE WOULD IN THE BIBLE AND I EXPECTED IT!!! I REALIZED IT IS NOT IN READING THE BIBLE THAT GETS ME CLOSE TO GOD, IT’S HOW I REACT TO HIS WORD. HOW I RESPOND ONCE I HEAR IT OR READ IT!!!!!

I WAS WATCHING TBN, PRAISE THE LORD PROGRAM AND THEY WERE SINGING, PSALM 150, I’LL PRAISE HIM IN THE SANCTUARY. I STARTED SINGING ALONG AND I STARTED PRAISING AND WORSHIPING LIKE I NEVER HAD BEFORE!!! I SAW A BRIGHT LIGHT AND I FELT THE MOST LOVE I HAD EVER FELT IN MY LIFE AND IN A SPLIT SECOND, I FELT UTTER TERROR, LIKE I HAD NEVER FELT, EVEN WHEN SATAN CAME TO ME!!!

I INSTINCTUALLY FELL TO THE FLOOR, FACE DOWN AND I STARTED CRYING AND SOBBING, BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS. I WAS GIVEN VISIONS OF THE MAN WHO HAD MOLESTED ME AS A CHILD, I WAS ALSO GIVEN VISIONS OF MY MOTHER. I WAS HOLDING HATE AND UN FORGIVENESS IN MY HEART. I WAS HOLDING SECRET FEELING AGAINST MY MOTHER FOR NOT PROTECTING ME. GOD DEMANDED THAT I FORGIVE IF I WANTED TO BE FORGIVEN AND IF I EXPECTED TO GO TO HEAVEN!!! I WAS TOLD MY CHILD WAS IN HEAVEN THAT HAD BEEN ABORTED AND I WAS TOLD THAT CHILD WAS CHEERING ME ON IN HEAVEN WAITING FOR ME!!!

THIS WAS MY FIRST TRUE EXPERIENCE WITH THE PRESENCE OF GOD THE FATHER.

I WAS SO HAPPY AFTER THIS I WANTED TO TELL EVERYONE. NO ONE SEEMED IMPRESSED OR HAPPY FOR ME. IT WAS LIKE, YEAH, YEAH, WHAT EVER. TO THIS DAY, I HAVE LEARNED TO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING FROM ANYONE, AND NOT TO EXPECT THEM TO BE HAPPY FOR SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME AND NOT TO THEM!!! FROM THAT MOMENT ON, IT WAS ME AND JESUS. HE IS THE ONLY ONE I FULLY TRUST AND DEPEND ON. HE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND THE ONE I TALK TO CONSTANTLY.

IN THE BEGINNING, I FOUND THAT IT SEEMED LIKE MY ATTRACTIONS HAD GOTTEN EVEN MORE INTENSE I WAS NOW SEXLESS. I COULDN’T EVEN LOOK AT A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH OUT UNDRESSING HIM WITH MY MIND. I PLACED MY FOCUS ON JESUS!!! WHEN THIS HAPPENED, I STARTED CALLING ON JESUS. I WOULD SAY, JESUS, SATAN IS ATTACKING ME, PLEASE HELP!!! AND HE WOULD. THE INTENSITY WOULD GO AWAY.

SOON, I STARTED LOOKING AT MEN FOR WHO THEY REALLY WERE. NO LONGER DID THINGS THAT USED TO TURN ME ON EXCITE ME ANYMORE. LIKE SEXY MEN UNDERWEAR. I NOW SAW THEM AS SMELLY, SWEATY AND STINKY!!! THEY WERE CRUDE AND RUDE, MANY WERE CONCEDED AND SELF-CENTERED. THEY LIVED FOR THE SIZE OF THEIR PENIS!!! HOW SAD IS THAT!!! ( I once worshiped this ) I WAS BEING TRANSFORMED. THE IDEA OF LAYING UP WITH A BIG OLE HAIRY MAN IS NO LONGER APPEALING TO ME.

I NOW REALIZE WHAT I TRULY WANTED WAS FOR THESE MEN TO BE MY FRIEND AND TO LOVE ME, NOT BE IN LOVE WITH ME!! I REALLY JUST WANTED SOME CLOSE INTIMATE NON-SEXUAL FRIENDS, BUT BECAUSE OF MY CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES, THE LINES GOT CROSSED AND I ENDED UP IN SOMETHING GOD NEVER INTENDED FOR ME OR ANY OTHER MAN OR WOMAN. HE NEVER INTENDED US TO LUST FOR ONE ANOTHER. THAT IS A DECEPTION AND PERVERSION OF THE DEVIL.

IN JUNE, 2010, IT WILL BE 2 YEARS. I STILL HAVE SOME FEMININE WAY FROM A LIFETIME OF CONDITIONING, BUT I FIND EVERYDAY, JESUS IS TEACHING ME TO BE MORE AND MORE OF A MASCULINE MAN. I NOW HAVE DESIRES LIKE I HAD YEARS AGO. I WISH I HAD OF STAYED WITH THAT GIRL I LEFT, OUR LIVES COULD HAVE BEEN WONDERFUL, AND GOD FORGIVE ME FOR THE KIDS I DID NOT HAVE.

NONE OF THE GAY FRIENDS I HAD 2 YEARS AGO, WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME. ONE OR 2 WILL TEXT TO SAY HI, BUT THAT IS IT. THEY TOTALLY REJECT ME. PRAISE THE LORD, JESUS SAID THAT WOULD HAPPEN. HIS WORD IS ALWAYS TRUE. HE SAID THESE THINGS 2000 YEARS AGO, AND THEY HOLD TRUE TODAY!!!

TODAY MY LIFE FOCUS IS JESUS, GOD THE FATHER AND THE HOLY SPIRIT. I PRAY THAT WHEN GOD SEES FIT, HE WILL BRING ME THAT ONE WOMAN HE HAS PICKED OUT JUST FOR ME. UNTIL THEN, IT IS ME AND MY TRUE BEST FRIEND, JESUS!!! CALL OUT HIS NAME AND HE WILL COME TO YOU!!!

IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND YOU ARE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING OR STRUGGLING, PLEASE BE ENCOURAGED. YOU KNOW WHAT, JESUS HAS ALWAYS LOVED ME, GAY OR STRAIGHT, WHEN I WANTED TO GIVE UP, HE HELD ME CLOSE, SO I COULDN’T LET GO!!!!

Sincerely, Victor Romero